Mumsaid

Dear Self-Righteous Wench at the Library, As I stated in our brief conversation, thank you for telling me what you needed.  I will say this one more time: While I respect your right to quiet, I do not appreciate you telling me how to raise my children.  You are lucky I didn't bitch-slap you.  I am rather proud of myself for not even yelling. Allow me to elaborate: I brought my children to the library to offer them a developmentally appropriate educational experience while spending (please forgive the cliche) "quality time" with a parent.  We haven't been to the library as regularly as we used to, and were very excited to be able to make the trip on this particular evening.  My ten year old mildly autistic son requires help finding books because the number of choices on the shelves is completely overwhelming.  He reads at least at a twelfth grade level, yet possesses social understanding that is far below that of his peers.  This makes finding book...

Eeyah, GreenWarrior, The Boy...the Incredible Human I Get to Claim as My Son Note:  Ten years ago, in the chilly wee hours of a February morning, I gave birth to my firstborn, whom we refer to online (usually) as Green Warrior.  However, my second child, The Girl, affectionately named him "Eeyah" though I am fairly certain she is capable of correctly pronouncing his first name.  She is nearing two, he is ten.  I do not "get" the Green Warrior reference completely, so I, for ease of use, hereby declare the title of his persona in the World Wide Web...Eeyah.  I think I might type Eea for short. Just thought I'd clarify. Eea is amazing.  Incredible.  Unbelievable.  And sometimes just damn confusing.  His startling intelligence and loving disposition make up for the amount of frustration I feel when doing what I refer to as my "mom job."   I know most parents are supposedly biased and tout their own offspring as the smartest, cutest, s...

Today I went to a well-known day spa in our fair city and had an aloe and herb body wrap.  I was scared, ashamed, scared, unsure, curious, excited, scared...you get the point. You may be wondering, "What's the big deal?  Why is Pattermomma so damn scared?"  Well... Two children and various stages of using food or the control of food as medicine have left my body in not the most attractive of states. I am the heaviest I have ever been (maybe...I think I might have dropped a couple pounds this summer), and had my youngest in November.  It takes some of us mommas a little longer than others to return to what is now the New Normal.  My belly is floppy, my breasts are suffering from gravity, and what the hell happened to my ass and thighs?  Since when did I start looking like...a Mother? I often thank the Fates that I am no longer the naive youngun' I was in my early twenties, but I also curse those same Fates for removing the physical perfection along...