Mumsaid

A few weeks ago, my Patterfamily and I attended a diapering class at Cotton Babies. www.cottonbabies.com It was an introduction to cloth diapers and the variety of choices now available to those interested in an alternative to disposables. Two moms in attendance caught my attention, as they were just too perfect to be pregnant. I try not to judge others, but that night I don't think I tried hard enough. Where are their swollen feet? Their tired, puffy faces? Surely they put pillows under their shirts and came here for a laugh. I was near growling when one of them took out a notebook and began writing, in detail, the ins and outs of dealing with infant excrement. These creatures are the unfortunate product of parenting magazines, I thought. Newbie moms attempting to be Supermommies. They will make sure their offspring have everything their little hearts' desire, all the while scheduling playdates with neighborhood children, ensuring that said offspring remain in acce...

That for which I am grateful: a husband who cleans the bathroom in the middle of the night an 8 year old boy with a darling stitched up face and cheerful disposition the unfailing love of my family the gift of sharing other people's children (big and little) hugs and offers of help from said children just when I need them Saturday morning the little peach-sized baby in my belly new Birkenstocks the somewhat feral cat that calls this house "home" the little feet I hear coming back to see me on the computer I know there's more...if you, dear reader, care to add your own "Thank You's" by way of comments, please do.

I just got back from a weekend yoga retreat in Golconda, Illinois. (More info on that below. Great place.) My darling Sarah and I were the "pregnant girls" in the group. All weekend I felt high as a kite and yet was as sober as can be. It was fabulous. A yoga class and cookout on Friday, two yoga classes, one circle gathering, one philosophy class and a yoga nidra class on Saturday, one yoga class and one circle gathering on Sunday, fabulous meals, Christian Icons all over the place, Kentucky farmland across the Ohio River right outside my back door...it's no wonder that I am crashing upon my arrival home. I was snotty to my husband on the phone, snotty to my husband about the chaotic state of our home, and snotty to my husband while he baked us bread, grilled chicken to last a week, and grilled veggies. Why? What has happened? Where did the Om go? I was so certain that everything I was experiencing was "authentic" and everyone I came in contact with was ...

When I was very young, there was a phrase we used to mean, "You had better listen and obey, because Mom told you to." If a statement was preceded by "Mumsaid," it was immediately turned into a directive. For example, "Mumsaid to go change the laundry." That implied that the laundry was to be changed from washer to dryer, a new load started, and the clean clothes brought upstairs immediately. If you questioned any direction and heard "Mumsaid" as your answer, no further explanation was given or necessary...that word was Law. Self: "Why should I go change the laundry? I am reading/playing/drawing/watching TV." Sibling (usually older): "Mumsaid." Self: "Awwww....but I don't want..." Sibling: "Mum said ." Self: "Fine." And Self stomps downstairs to complete the chore, mimicking the sibling saying the Law. As the youngest, it was with pure spite that I enforced the "Mumsaid Law." Ord...